Overuse of screen is an epidemic in our society, with detrimental social, mental and physical health issues, particularly when it comes to our children. In a but this article will offer some suggestions on how to ween ourselves and our kids off screen in order to gain some balance in our lives. I feel the physical and mental health of our culture depends on it.
How much is too much? In my own home and interviewing other parents, it seems our kids are quite happy to be plugged in from the moment they get up until they drag themselves to bed. Every parent needs to decide what is too much, based on the age of their kids and what behaviour they notice in their children. Excessive screen causes depression, anxiety, agitation, addiction and withdrawal symptoms when it is time to shut it down. Not to mention the lack of motivation to do anything else productive (chores, school work, jobs) or creative (arts and music) or physical (sports, getting outside…).
As parents, we need to take responsibility for where we have arrived in regards to overuse of screen and social media such as Video Games, Tiktok, Instagram, Snap Chat, Online Chat Rooms, Facebook etc. It got away from us, but I think it is time to collect ourselves and reclaim our children. We need to limit our own screen use and find balance in our own lives if we expect our children to have self-discipline with screen. How do we make family time a priority again and engage in alternatives with our kids, not just demanding they get off screen from behind our own devices? We need to be good examples, and take the opportunity to reconnect and have fun with our kids, finding new interests with them. They will be off on their own in their adult lives soon enough, and we will wonder where their childhood went.
I strongly believe there should be time limits on screen and alternative activities available, because most of our kids have lost the ability and imagination to come up with ideas of what else to do. They complain about being bored and may see screen as the only way out of their boredom.
These may seem obvious but many of us have forgotten about how much (screen-free) fun we can fun with our family. My favourite suggestions:
- Family dinner and tidy up afterwards (cooking and / or clean up together)
- Game night (cards, charades, board games…)
- Play music together (if you have instruments), listening to music, dancing or singing karaoke
- Art, colouring, crafts and creativity projects (Making Christmas presents or baking)…
- Redecorating a room
- Building models or birdhouse or dollhouse, go-cart…
- Going for walks or bike rides
- Planting or tending a garden
- Throwing a ball (or frisbee), shooting hoops, badminton, horseshoes, bocce ball…
- Encouraging and supporting any sport they are interested in (doing sports with them like swimming, skating, golfing, bowling, rock climbing…),
- Fishing, hiking, camping, skiing, geocaching or anything else outdoors
- Building a tree fort (or even a blanket fort in the house)
- Encouraging outdoor play or exploring with friends
- Getting involved in community groups (youth groups, scouts/girl guides, sports teams, choirs, band or theatre, art or pottery classes, music lessons…),
- Finding volunteering opportunities or visiting the local seniors home
- Having reading time or even listening to books on tape (the library has many online)
All this being said, our kids need to feel they are part of the decisions by guiding us in what other activities they may be interested in doing with us. If we simply dictate what non-screen activity we are going to do, we will probably be met with resistance (sometimes just for the sake of resisting). Some of the activities we do with our kids, in our efforts to reconnect with them, may even be on screen. Please don’t make the screen platform the only place you ‘play’ with your kids.
Putting limits on screen comes with some rules. Here are a few common ones used by parents I interviewed: Screen during certain hours only (x number of hours day) and shut down 1-2 hours before bedtime, no devices or tv during family meals, no eating in bedrooms, no screen until after homework and chores are completed, phones need to be left in the common area over night (not in bedrooms), no tv’s or computers in bedrooms (huge distractions and encourage kids to withdraw completely), screen time that can be earned on a points system (works better with younger kids).
Teens will resist the new rules so we have to calmly explain that we have their best interest at heart without being drawn into a power struggle or fight. This is much easier said than done, and counseling support may be required. We can provide teens with lots of literature around the health detriments of too much screen. Watch “The Social Dilemma” together. They can also negotiate and help create the rules around ‘screen use’ as well as the consequences for breaking the rules, even signing a contract with parents. There are several monitoring apps available, with good support for managing screen time. And most important of all: both parents (and any other caregivers – like grandparents, aunts & uncles) need to be on the same page. It is helpful if parents of our kids’ friends are likeminded.
We, as parents, still need to run the show and have thick skin when our kids are screaming at us because their friends don’t have the same restrictions. We need to stay calm and cool, acknowledge their frustration but also have the courage to stand our ground around the (fair but firm) screen rules we create. And above all, we need to be consistent (#1 parenting rule). We are ALL going through varying issues around screen, so having a support network is important. There are great books and podcasts on this topic. For further reading please check out books such as:
- Media Moms and Digital Dads by Dr Yals Uhls
- iRules by Janell Burley Hofmann
- Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr Laura Markham
- Screenwise and Growing up in Public by Dr Devorah Heitner
- Free-Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy
Or podcasts such as Parenting in the Digital Age
Talk to other parents and find out what works for them. It will take time and patience to reclaim our kids. Screen has monopolized our children’s and our own attention for too long and it is time to collect ourselves and our families.
Claire Nielsen is a health coach, author, public speaker and founder of www.elixirforlife.ca. The information provided in the above article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional health and medical advice. Please consult a doctor or healthcare provider if you're seeking medical advice, diagnoses and/or treatment
